Blowing Up Evangelical Baggage – The Series (Rachel Haas)


Please welcome Rachel Lee Haas to my blog today.  I know you will enjoy her beautiful and creative contribution to the Blowing Up Evangelical Baggage Series.  Be sure to check out her bold (and sometimes raw) blog too. Rachel’s honesty is one of the things that drew me to her.



do you hear that sound? 

someone lifted the lid.

I was seventeen years old. I saw something wrong, something confusing. they were the leaders, they were the teachers. they were the Christian leaders, the ones I had been aspiring to be like since I was old enough to talk.

and then I asked a question that they didn’t like. that they weren’t ready for, that maybe they didn’t know how to answer. they said modesty was important, that purity was essential. but the video had girls in bikinis, over and over again, and there were guys on my right and my left. so I asked, because I didn’t understand.

they told me to be quiet.


do you hear that sound? 

the wires are connected. the countdown has begun.

I figured out quickly that the Church was good at telling people to be quiet unless you belonged behind a pulpit. I learned in Sunday School that we were all supposed to know the answers. but not too many answers. nobody likes a know-it-all. there were verses to memorize, chapter and verse. but not all of them, not right away. wait for the others to catch up.

to be a good Christian, you had to know all the answers. but you had to be quiet. don’t give it all away. mystery was a sign of faltering faith. but knowing all the answers wasn’t right either.


do you hear that sound? 

the last thirty seconds are counting down.

I’ve found myself in the boat more than once while the ocean tosses and writhes angry with frothy waves. I clung to the edges because I didn’t know what to do. the Church was emphatic that safety was key, silence was golden. but I could hear Him calling.

so I stepped onto the ocean. the waves calmed and the wind was still.

and that’s when the bomb went off.


10270168_10152779650563642_928630080_nRachel Haas is a Story-writing, caffeine-consuming, paint-flinging, wild-at-heart Jesus craver. She is married to Jonathon, as she has been for the past four years, momma to Marian, and wrangler of an oversized Great Dane and two cats who are relatively bonkers. She dwells in between Midwestern cornfields where she pours her heart out in lowercase abandon.